“YOUNG DRUNKS”

          Nowadays I am 70 years of age, …  but looking back nostalgically, …  when 17, …  a young friend of mine and I, …  each used to nightly, …  drink a case of 24, …  ‘BLACK HORSE ALE’, …  strongest beer on the market, …  at the summer cottage.  We were determined to become inebriated, …  summer ’round, and every weekend throughout the school year.

            I gave it up at age 19, …  and walked ‘the straight and narrow’ ever since, …  because LIFE, …  DEATH, …  SALVATION, …  and DAMNATION, …  hung in the balance, …  almost losing my soul GAMBLING at an early age, …  caught in a DEVIL’s trap, …  I NEVER knew existed.

           But the secret is:  “You cannot get drunk on beer.  There is only, one half of an ounce of alcohol (0.6 precisely), in a bottle of beer, …  and by the time you are finished drinking each bottle, …  you are right back where you were in the beginning, before you started, …  dead sober”.  Unless you drink straight alcohol, …  you will never become inebriated. So what that means is that, you can drink as much beer as you like, …  just as a fish drinks water, …  but you will NEVER become inebriated.  Your reflexes will be SLOW, …  so do not ever FIGHT or DRIVE, …  READ A NEWSPAPER, …  perform MATHEMATICS, …  RIDE A BICYCLE, …  STUDY FOR EXAMS, …  PAINT, …  DRAW, …  or do anything requiring QUICK MEMORY RECALL and CONCENTRATION, …  because you will LOSE drastically, …  trying to use MARBLES you DO NOT HAVE, …  a NO-BRAIN loser, …  INCAPACITATED.

            So, …  you are perfectly safe, …  with BEER.  Just steer away, …  from HARD ALCOHOL.

                                                                                   . . .   Errol Lee Shepherd